On this bed I lay, losing everything, I can see my life passing me by

you know, in those moments where the world just seems to turn it's self upside down and you are left dangling from the floor looking down at a celling thinking if you fall you are surely going to break into a million pieces, but then, you manage to look in side your head, and you think about all that you have thought about and all that is happening, and then the realization hits you - you will never break, because you are wrong, something is simpley just not right inside you, you are missing something that makes you whole.

- and there you have it, just how I feel, In my mind I can see a whole different life, a strange life, but one that is better than my real life, and then, maybe it is an escape in some ways, but then you think once more.

I was at a hospital the other day, it was a lovely looking building, it had the most stunning fountain and and a big glass celling, it was also had an ATM, [I don't spend much time in hospitals, so this could be normal ], the whole time I spent listening to my mp3 player and thinking once more about the world in side my head, but what I should have been thinking about, I wasn't,

You see, I am one of those people who are very against the whole friendliness and closeness, my family would be close to considered a mess, my real father is dead, but I never knew him, My step father, who I grew up thinking was my real father, moved out when I was around 10 and over the last few years has come to the conclusion he wants us to be a real family, I haven't seen my grand mother and other relatives for that many years due to a failing out, but coming in contact with any of them almost makes my skin crawl, [ I'm not one for close proximity ] and now the only person I really care about is dying, my mother is suffering from a severe and somewhat lethal heart condition.

and there you have it - my deeply delightful family and now I have gone on that much more than I thought I was going too, I think it's starting to get to me,

oh yeah, and the other day, I managed to poison my self fully unintentionally too, by the way, how was I meant to know that the horse drench was harmful to humans, It had on the bottle that is was harmful is absorbed into skin, so needless to say, I didn't read that bit and I manged to get it all over my hand, and then after coming close to falling over a few times that night as well as having a very hellish head ache, I read the warnings on the bottle, low and behold it was harmful to humans, amazing,


and that's all for now.

- Animus [ < average online name ]

Was it all too much or just not enough